this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
