just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
