a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
