went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
