So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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