i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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