you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
