He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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