Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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