Don't make out with my wife yet
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
