Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
