You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
