thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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