I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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