is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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