I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
