My sheets look like a crime scene.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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