i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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