New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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