I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
