why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
