Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My penis needs a shock collar
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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