i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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