O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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