His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
