she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Pants are for mortals
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
