just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
