Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
