I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
