Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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