go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
