They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
