okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
