Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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