I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
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