forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
