I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
