Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
