i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
