I want to make a zoo with you.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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