I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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