omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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