In the future we'll all be gay
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
