you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
