Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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