To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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