i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
