jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
