Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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