I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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