i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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